1. Grief is lonely--no one truly can feel the pain I feel from losing Norah. I felt her kick inside me. I was the one who was supposed to keep her safe, to make sure she got enough nourishment. One day I was responsible for her and the next she was gone. It is a lonely place to be--feeling like if you had done just one thing differently, would it have made a difference?
2. Even though some days it feels as if I cannot possibly make it another second, I remind myself that it will get better. No matter how bad a single day feels, tomorrow will be better.
3. It is okay to let myself cry. It makes things worse when I hold it in. I don't hide my sadness from Maggie and Elliott. They have learned so much compassion in the last year. I remember weeks after our loss I was sitting on the couch crying with Maggie by my side with a box of tissues. She wiped every tear from my eye just as I have done for her so many times.
4. Grief is a roller coaster of emotions. I could go weeks and be totally fine and then another wave of grief hits. I am learning to just go with the flow.
5. Some days I have to give myself permission to be sad. I have to let go of all perceptions other people "should" have of me--that I "should" be better by now, that I "should" be moving on. This grief is mine and worrying about how I am perceived by others really hinders the process.
6. I have to give grace to those who haven't responded to my pain in the way I thought they would. People are just people--they can let you down--but I have to work to not let my ego get in the way of friendship.
7. My biggest coping skill is distraction. I feel the need to be busy all the time. Busy with my kids, housework, sewing, shopping.... While it is a healthy coping skill, it has kept me from truly grieving at times.
8. Some days I have to remind myself that I am still living. The months following the loss of Norah were so difficult in so many ways, but I just could not take care of myself. I barely ate anything for 6 months. I felt survivor's guilt, but I am still here. The rest of my family needs me.
9. People are good. They have good intentions. They still think and pray for our family. They honor Norah for us without us even knowing. They check in on us and honestly want to know how we are doing. They can tell when I am not having a good day. For this we are blessed.
10. God has been there for me every step of the way. His love for me has been perfect. It has never failed me, not once. Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. "
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