What keeps me up at night

I haven't been sleeping that well lately.  Last night was especially brutal.  My brain just can't shut down and then around 3 a.m. a little almost-five-year-old girl crawls into bed with us and I just don't have it in me to take her back to her bed.  And then she is using me as her pillow and snoring even though we have a king size bed.

I am not sleeping and my mind goes to the fact that soon enough I would have had a newborn and I wouldn't be sleeping then, and I feel worse.  I am tossing and turning and end up on my belly (which is my preferred way of sleeping) and feel guilty for being on my belly because just six weeks ago I was unable to do that.  It is a vicious cycle. 

What used to keep me up at night six weeks ago was frequent trips to the bathroom, little baby kicks and cyst pain.  Last night, I was just reflecting on my day and yearning for those things.  For some reason Sundays are extremely difficult.  Church is hard even though it shouldn't be....I literally wept (you know, the ugly cry) through the worship sets yesterday.  Each song trying to remind me that God's love for me never changes...each song making me more emotional as if they were chosen specifically for Greg and I yesterday.  

My mind went back to what I posted on FB the morning of my surgery.  It was something about how God knows the plans He has for us already (Jer. 29:11) and how He is the same God today as He was yesterday (and in my case, 6 weeks ago). I know deep down that God loves me just as much today as He did on November 26, and He loves Norah just as much right now as He did the day He knit her in my womb.  And even though I feel as if everyone else has gone on with their lives, I know there are still many, many people out there praying for us.  For that, I am grateful because we still need that and will for a very very long time.  Tonight, I will pray for a good night's sleep!

Psalm 30:5
"Weeping may stay for the night,
    but rejoicing comes in the morning."