Norah's Story

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Reframing

Things have been rather busy around the Cook household.  Hard to believe that spring is FINALLY upon us!  I am so thankful for warmer days and sunshine--I know my kids are too.  The best surprise we got was that Norah's headstone was finally laid last week.  After six months of being at the cemetery and numerous calls, it is there now, and it is beautiful.  For me, it just warms my heart to see her name in writing--to know that her life was real and that she was and is important.


So, where do I go from here?  I still have hard days and moments when I just cry out and miss Norah so much it hurts.  I try not to let myself think of what life would be like today if she was here with us, but that is a reality for me.  I turned the calendar to April and was immediately reminded that this is when she should have been born a year ago.  How different our lives would be with an almost one year old!

And then there's my sweet Elliott who prays every single day for a new baby.  "Dear Jesus, please give our family a baby.  I really want one.  Please give us one."  I love his innocence in asking God for exactly what he wants, and I hope some day those prayers are answered.  

For the time being, I am trying to re frame my brain from what should have been to what can be--from what I thought my family would look like to what it really could look like.  I tend to get hung up on the span of time between my kids.  I wanted them to be close.  Each day Maggie and Elliott seem more and more grown up to me.  There is not a baby thing in sight in this house anymore.  In fact, I threw out the infant car seat and moved all other baby things to the attic where I can't see them.  The kids can dress themselves, get themselves snacks,  and (mostly) go to the bathroom by themselves.  They don't need Mommy as much for their every day needs.  

Instead of being sad and upset by the fact that there will now inevitably be this big gap in years between my kids, I am reminding myself that no matter when it happens, it will be good in so many ways.  We've been in Romans 12 in my Bible study and this verse stuck out this week.  

Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."
  
I find myself getting so wrapped up in the process of having another baby that I forget where I really should be starting.  I need to rejoice, be patient and be in constant prayer.  God calls us to do these things even when we are busy or tired or just don't want to.  I feel like He is constantly nudging me and whispering in my ear, "it will be good no matter when it happens--my plan is good--my promises don't change--trust in me!".  I am trying so hard to remember all these things and get up with this attitude each day.  

I don't know what tomorrow holds for us, but today I will "rejoice in hope, be patient in our tribulation, and be constant in prayer."


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