Where I Am Today.....

Greg and I lead a small group with other couples from our church.  We love having a group to meet with weekly, to share our lives with, to pray for and with, and to study God's word with.  Last night, I had a leader's meeting with our associate pastor and another small group leader.  I am not going to lie, my disdain for meetings hasn't changed over the years.  Seems like there is always a meeting about something, and I usually go in with a bad attitude thinking about all the other things I could be doing.

The meeting last night was no different.  I left the house in a hurry after ushering the kids out of the bath.  Both of them were screaming that they wanted me to put them to bed.  I felt stressed leaving Greg with the aftermath of that, and I was running a few minutes late.  In the back of my head all I can think is, I hope this meeting is short!

I am always amazed at how life's distractions and how my brain seems to get in the way of what God is doing within me.  Since there were just three of us at this meeting, we were able to just share about how our small groups were going and how we felt about leading. 

It took me back to the first years Greg and I were a part of a group at Rooftop Church (check out the new website:).  We had just started going regularly.  We hadn't been married too long, and we had decided to find a church together, one that we could worship at together without a particular denomination.  We had tried lots of different places but kept coming back to Rooftop.  On one of the first Sundays we were there, they were having small group sign ups.  Greg signed us up.  To say that I was upset is an understatement.  I had grown up in the Catholic church and felt this deep sense of betrayal.  I was even nervous about trying a new kind of church--I mean the pastor wore a baseball cap while preaching and there was a rock band!  I panicked at the thought of having to really get to know people.  I don't think I even spoke up for the first several years in our group that we met with weekly.  I felt like my knowledge was inadequate, that I didn't know enough scripture by heart, that I had nothing to contribute.  I was afraid of being judged by all those things.  I refused to attend my now bestie's 30th birthday party we were invited to because I was too nervous to get to know new people (her and I laugh about this now that we spend time together daily!!).

I can look back now and laugh at how absurd all those feelings were.  That group became our family here in St. Louis.  We lived life together.  We went to each other's houses in the middle of the night if someone had an emergency.  We fixed meals for each other when someone was sick.  We helped pack boxes when someone moved.  We visited each other in the hospital when new babies were born. We cried with each other when life threw difficult things in our path.  We met with this group for SIX years!  And we are still there for each other as well as there for our current group.

As I was relaying this story last night about how I have seen God at work in me, it dawned on me that none of this was a mistake.  I can look back 8 years ago and see God's hand in every detail of my life.  While I was living it, I had no clue, but now I can see that.  God is not in a hurry.  His plans can take years and years to come to fruition.  He placed all those people in our lives all those years ago because He KNEW that in November 2012 we would need them.  Those people plus some showed up to the hospital that night without invitation.  They have weathered our storm with us.  I can look back and see God preparing us to lead our own small group.  He has blessed us tremendously in this way. 

I feel like each morning I have to wake up and remind myself of this--God is not in a hurry.  I can resist His plan for me with all my might, but I will not win out.  I resisted strongly joining that group all those years ago.  Look at where I am today....

Colossians 3:15-17 (NLT)

¹⁵ And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members 
of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

¹⁶ Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.