I know I'm not dumb, but I really feel like I am

I started speech therapy a couple of weeks ago (I should have started right after my stroke, but my new issues kind of overtook my care).  Anyway, I feel dumb.  I know I am not--I was an above average student during my schooling days.  I worked really hard, was really involved, got good grades, yadayadayada.....

Now, my therapist is asking me silly questions like---remember these 4 words and then put them in alphabetical order, and I cannot.do.it!!!  My brain cannot compute quickly enough.  She used a good analogy about the way our brains work.  She reminded me about when I-64/40 was closed here in St. Louis 7 years ago.  If that was my direct route places, I had to go around the closed highway.  I had to find a new path to my destination.  That is exactly what my brain is doing now.  I have damaged neurons and I am trying to find a way around them. 

But as I sit there and literally can't think, it is SO frustrating!  I want to yell, "I swear I am not dumb!  I know how to alphabetize, how to say things backward, how to answer these questions.  I just can't do it to the level that I used to be able to."

The whole point of me going to therapy twice a week is to help me live a normal life--to give me tactics and techniques to do every day tasks and to make these things that are hard for me easier.  I am learning ways to cope--grouping objects, writing things down, associating things, visualizing things, and repeating things as much as I need to.  And each time I go, it gets a little easier.  I have homework and have to work at it and practice. 

It is work to even get myself back to Barnes for this.  So blessed and thankful for my many, many friends who have stepped up to watch the kids.  I was so stressed about finding care for them, and my great friends just took that over for me!  Today I am thankful for God's blessings on me and my family--even just the tiny ones;)