The perfect life--or not really

I think social media has done us all a disservice.  We spend our days posting pictures of the good life--babies smiling or sleeping soundly, siblings loving each other, us standing in front of various world monuments, and on and on and on.  I am totally guilty of this too.  What if I posted pictures of what my life is REALLY like?  So here are some pictures of what really happens around my house. 

Isn't our new kitchen awesome?  It usually looks like this;)

My blood pressure chart....

I can barely keep up with all my meds

My life feels far from perfect.  My brain doesn't make connections like it used to, and it is extremely frustrating.  I am SO grateful that my physical function and speech came back, but living inside this body is hard.  I am 35 years old.  I take my blood pressure each day and take 7 pills at bedtime.  I can't form my thoughts as quickly as I like.  I forget things--this is way more than mom brain.  No one understands.  It is easy to say "it will get better" or "just go to therapy," but I can't explain how it feels to not be able to think.

I am trying to be optimistic, but some days I have no motivation to do anything except care for Cecilia.  I sit on the couch and stare into space and wonder why I had to go through this.  I have never felt this form of apathy in my life.  I feel trapped inside a body that doesn't want to work, and no doctor can tell me why these things have happened.  I have been tested for everything under the sun and no diagnosis. 

Maybe I need to look at how God has healed me in so many ways over the last few years.  So many people have prayed for me and my family after our loss of Norah and my internal bleed that almost lead to my death.  Many people have held me while I sobbed, taken care of my kids while I went to counseling, and just sat next to me without saying a word.  God sent those same people two years later to support Greg while I was in ICU, to feed my family, to care for Cecilia, and to just pray for me.  I was going through emails this week and found this one--I don't remember ever seeing it.

Hi Rooftop Pray-ers…

 

Please pray for Elizabeth Cook, who just gave birth to a baby girl on Friday.  Elizabeth is being rushed to Barnes Hospital due to complications following childbirth.  Pray for her complete healing and peace as they face yet another medical trial.

 

Pastor Matt

I am trying to focus on God's goodness and mercy with me.  He wants me here on this earth.  I  know one day all these medical issues with be resolved, and I can stop worrying about them.  I need to continue to ask Him to show me Himself in the midst of this.