November Rain

Before I knew it, I looked at the calendar and it was November.  It has been looming on the horizon, but I have been too busy to stop and think about it.  Life has been a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, soccer games, rearranging the house for our renovation, meetings with a kitchen designer, teaching piano lessons, and fixing dinner in the basement (yes, you read this correctly--more on the renovation later).

Life doesn't stop for November.  It doesn't come to a halt so I can breathe in this month--the one that changed my life forever two years ago.  It all feels strangely the same--the rainy, cold days, the changing and falling leaves, the dark afternoons.  As I walked into our polling place to vote on Tuesday, I realized that the last time I set foot in that building was exactly two years ago while pregnant with Norah.  These small memories never fade away. 

The grief is still there and still very palpable.  It comes in waves and the darkness settles in some days just like the time change.  I am good about pushing it aside now and making myself appear to have it all together.  I should be over it, right?  I am pregnant again and will get my girl in the end. 

But although we are so grateful to be bringing another little lady into this family, we will always miss the one that should already be here. 

My life as I knew it slipped away in November.  My whole perception of how it would all play out gone in an instant.  I can't help but feel sad as that anniversary approaches.  It's my reality this November and all the ones to come.