Little Reminders of Norah

The days seem to fly by lately.  I was looking at the calendar yesterday and realizing just how quickly summer will go, and then life changes again when I send Miss Maggie to kindergarten!  Once we embark on that journey, we will never go back to those carefree days.  The summer weather so far has been mild--so mild that we haven't even been able to go to the pool because I am afraid of the water temperature (yes, I am afraid of it--I'm sure the kids wouldn't care!). Summer to me signifies pregnancy--I have been pregnant in the summer for 3 of the last 6 summers.  I guess since I have spent the last summers either in the early stages of pregnancy or nursing a baby, I just associate summer to those things. 

Both kids have been away in the mornings this week--E at VBS and Maggie at another camp.  As much as I enjoy the time to get errands done quickly, I struggle with being alone.  My mind can't seem to just do normal things by myself without thinking about Norah--all the should have, could have would haves.  I should have time alone this week with Norah while the other two are away.  I could have come home and napped with her and snuggle her without distraction.  So, I have just been getting out of the house this week and running places, just to keep busy.

Just when I don't think about Norah for one hour or one day, the kids always remind me of her.  I love that about them.  They are so naive to the hurt and grief I am feeling, but they seem to have a keen sense of when I need to be reminded of her in a beautiful way.  Our little Norah spot in the front yard with her tree has been awesome.  We all take pride in watering it and watching it grow.  I love pulling in the driveway and seeing it there with the pinwheel spinning in the wind.  The kids love it too!

Last night as I was rocking Elliott before bed, he said "Mommy, your eyes are brown just like my eyes are brown.  We have the same eyes.  I wonder what color Norah's eyes are?  What color are Norah's eyes?".  Thankfully it was dark in his room so he couldn't see the tears in my eyes.  I had to tell him that I didn't ever get to see her eyes open, so I didn't know what color her eyes were.  I said, "Well, buddy, she is in heaven and has the most perfect and beautiful eyes, more beautiful than we can ever imagine.  And some day when we get to heaven we will get to see those eyes."   He said to me, "I hope she has brown eyes.  Brown eyes are the best!". 

If there is one thing Greg and I have done right through all of this, it is that we have let Maggie and Elliott know that Norah was an important life to us.  She is a part of this family.  They do have a sister, even though she isn't here with us.  I want them to go through this life knowing that, knowing that we value her life just as much as any other.  I think they get that picture and continue to remind me each day how special she was to them.