People

In the wake of all the tragedy in this world, I think we forget that most people are good. Most people don't set out to hurt others--they strive to be good neighbors, friends, parents and all around generous people.  Greg and I have been the recipients of this goodness more than I can count or even could have fathomed.

People have prayed for us, prepared us meals, sent us cards, cared for our children, showed up at the hospital, showed up at our house to check in on us and to make sure I was able to get out of bed.  People have shared their hearts with us, cried real, true tears with us, and remembered Norah in so many beautiful ways.

I was putting away the cards that have stacked up next to my kitchen table.  I often go back and pour through each one as if I just received them in the mail today.  I added them to Norah's box, because these are a piece of her story--of our story. 

 

I was thinking over the last months since Norah's death.  Most of it, I don't remember.  But a few things stick out to me.  Before Christmas, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep and came downstairs and sat in front of the Christmas lights on the tree--the tree that Maggie and I decorated right before I went in for surgery.  I just sat there uncontrollably sobbing.  Crying out to God to make this all go away.  Why do I have to suffer in this way? Why will I never get to know Norah?  Why did I have internal bleeding?   Why did I get that cyst in the first place?  And then Greg came downstairs and just hugged me, and we sobbed together.  He has just been my rock and can always put things in perspective!

I have had so many moments like that where I just felt like I couldn't go on...just overcome with grief and sadness.  But God has always placed the right person at the right time to lift me back up.  Some days it is as simple as a text or email.  Other days it is a friend showing up and forcing me out of the house to just run errands.  Even 19 weeks later, I need that.  I need to feel like my pain is still important, and God knows that. 

The last few weeks have been incredibly hard for me.  I was supposed to have Norah in NINE days.  It is painful to even type that as I sit here.  All the other people I know that were due around the same time are having their babies.  It hurts so badly to know that I am not in that same spot.  It is no one's fault.  But I so desperately want to hold her and not have to visit her in a cemetery.  Right now I am just praying that God continues to heal my heart one day at a time.  He does that a little each day and mainly through the goodness and kindness of people.  I know He's got my back!

^{Psalm 121}

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.