How did 3 years go so quickly??

Photos taken by Greg Herndon


My adorable little man Elliott turns THREE tomorrow!  Each day I am reminded that he is no longer a baby....ugh, my baby is 3!  I remember when the child didn't sleep (See Post Here and  Here).  Greg and I were honestly crazy people.  I thought we would never get through it.  I thought that was the toughest thing I had ever gone through.  Well, we made it through and that was NOT the toughest thing I would have to go through!

I feel quite guilty for feeling so selfish on birthdays.  But for every birthday we celebrate, it reminds me that I will never get to do that for Norah.  I know I should just be blessed to celebrate Elliott, but I want Norah too.  I want to give birth to her in a month and a half.  I want to get up in the middle of the night with her.  I want to change her diapers.  I want to see her first smile.  I want to be sleep deprived to the point of crazy.  I want her to talk back to me.  I want her to hug me and tell me she loves me.  I want to celebrate HER birthdays.

I am constantly trying to find a balance between being grateful for my own life and being sad for life lost.  Between being blessed beyond belief for my two living children and for my amazing husband and being on the ground crying because I am and always will be missing a part of my family.

Back to sweet Elliott--this child has turned into a crazy, wild 3 year old over night!  He is pushing his limits, saying no, doing things only on his timeline and basically just acting 3.  I hate to tell all you new moms out there, but 3 is way way harder than the so called "terrible twos."  However, he has such a sweet, sensitive heart. 

We never broke the news to Elliott that his sister died in my belly.  We thought he was too young to get it.  Well, he quickly picked up on the fact that my belly was no longer growing and that we were not going to be welcoming a new baby into our home.  Every week on our way to church, we pass the cemetery where Norah is buried.  On our way to church on Sunday, unprompted Elliott looks out his window and says "Hi Norah.  We love you.  We'll see you heaven."  Be still my heart!  He knows.  He understands.

God continues to show His face to us during this time....whether it be through the sweet voice of an almost 3 year old or through surprise packages in the mail or through an email or text from someone checking in on us.  We know He sees our tears and our sorrow, and that is about all I can cling to right now.