Whom Shall I Fear

"I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side"

Those of you who know me well know that music speaks to me in a special way.  I started playing piano and singing at a young age.  I loved it so much that I decided to major in music in college--bold move, I know!  I made teaching music a career and still teach piano.  My only form of singing these days happens when I put my kids to bed and on the worship team at church.  I never made it to Broadway or became a great opera singer, but I am using my voice to praise God and to minister to my kids.

We have an awesome Christian radio station in St. Louis (joyfmonline.org).  I am so thankful for it and thankful that my kids get to listen to it and hear God's word in the car and in our home.  I heard this new Chris Tomlin song on the radio at some point this fall.  It became my mantra for my situation.  I was most fearful about my baby being safe....little did I know that God's army of angels surrounded ME in that operating room...and unfortunately, Norah joined that army of angels.

  
When I learned about my cyst, fear just crept in my brain.  How can it not?  Do I have cancer?  Will it rupture?  Will I be in pain?  Will my baby be okay?  Will I have surgery?  Will the cyst keep growing?  All those questions stem from fear.  They come from a place of fear--not faith.  This song just speaks to that.  God has it all under control and we live in fear every day.  We are always worried and fearful about something.  Isn't that what the enemy wants?  

 I am so guilty of this.  I was so scared.  I prayed SO hard (along with lots and lots of other people) that my surgery would go well and that I would have a healthy baby--20 people gathered at my house the night before and prayed hard!  God didn't answer that prayer for me and it sucks!  And I don't have the answer.  I am not strong--I am heartbroken.  But I still have faith.  

We decided that we had to have this song played at Norah's memorial service.  I still cry every time I hear it on the radio.  I hope it speaks to you too.

(Chris Tomlin just happened to be in St. Louis today.  A great friend works for Joy FM and sent me this video of a live performance in their studio.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-dgke8Eifg&feature=youtu.be