I knew it would happen. Your birthday falls on Thanksgiving this year. The last year has gone so fast for me...a total blur on my life's radar. I've been thinking about you a lot--wondering what it would be like to add a 3 year old into our crazy mix. And even though I haven't been capable of grieving you and thinking about you each and every moment because of what happened to me after your sister was born, doesn't mean you are any less important to me. You are where my journey begins.
There will always be a bit of sadness attached to the holidays, but I am trying to be grateful. I'm thankful to God for sparing my life, but I will always miss you. I will always wonder who you would become and who you would look like. Unfortunately, I will never get those questions answered, and although I am thankful this year, there really is nothing that can take away the pain from your loss. I pray that those who love me will understand that. I lost you. I had to bury you in a tiny casket. I have to memorialize you, so that people won't forget you. Because you are my child.
There is a Norah-shaped piece of my heart that will never get filled in. Thank you for teaching me to trust in God's plan for me. It has been oh so hard! I am always trying to balance my grieving with my thankfulness. It is a difficult road to be on. Tomorrow I will look around our table and know that there is someone missing.
I love you with all my heart,
Mommy
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