Pain is Pain

Now that I am a free woman two mornings a week, I have had a chance to catch up with a few friends that I don't get to see on a regular basis.  Once you get past the fluff of every day living, the topic of how I'm really doing comes to the surface.  I constantly struggle with the idea of quantifying my loss--maybe my loss of Norah isn't as great as someone who carried their baby for 37 weeks or isn't as great as someone who lost a teenager or isn't as great as someone whose 13 month old died after struggling with an illness.  I got to thinking....if I think this way, then is everyone else who reads this or knows me thinking that way too?

Am I being judged by others who think...geez, I wish this girl would get over this already--she only was pregnant for 18 weeks.  There are other people who have suffered greater losses. 

But when it comes right down to it--loss is loss.  Pain is pain.  My pain is exactly that--MY pain.  It is no one elses.  I am allowed to grieve the loss of Norah for my entire life--and I will.  The way I grieve her loss will be different than Greg grieves and even Maggie and Elliott grieve.  I felt her kick inside of me.  I knew her and wanted her--not that the rest of my family did not, but they almost lost me as well.  It is convicting to me to stop judging and start living in the truth that it is okay to feel this way!

I am simultaneously studying Romans and Ephesians in two different Bible studies.  They just so happened to begin this past week.  I am already amazed by how much they coincide.  There is one big theme that has jumped out at me this week--as Christians, we are chosen--we are called--before God even created this world, He had a plan and a purpose for each of us.

In Ephesians 1:4-5 (NLT), Paul writes

⁴ Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. ⁵ God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

It goes on to say in verse 10-11

¹⁰ And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. ¹¹ Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God,^[c] for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. 

Wow!  This is SO tough to believe, but I have to believe this.  I have to believe that God chose me and that he chose Norah.  He knew her before we did.  He knew that she was going to save.my.life.  Unfortunately it doesn't make living this life on earth any easier, because I am only human.  I feel pain and suffering and desperately want everything to work out in my favor.  Thankfully, I know the end of the story.  I know who wins out.  I know that even though today is SO hard that the eternal tomorrow will be awesome!