"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."
(Proverbs 3: 5-6)
I feel like I am kind of in a fog these days. We are back from our much anticipated trip. We've made it past April 26. The every day sting of not having Norah has kind of worn off because we are busy with the daily life of raising a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Although I may have to take a break from Facebook for awhile--seeing all these babies being born is some days too much for me even though I am so happy for the families that welcome them!
I made it through Mother's Day relatively unscathed. I even sang at church and sang "Whom Shall I Fear" without sobbing on stage. Our worship pastor reminded us on Sunday about how we worship a God who fights for us, who constantly sticks up for us. He is a God that will enlist His angel armies to have our back. For me the thought of angel armies is so powerful, because I truly believe that those angels were in that operating room on November 26 and protected me and my life.
If God loves me SO much that He spared my life (and also gave His on the cross), I have an obligation to just trust Him. In this world it is so difficult to do that. I know that He does not like to see His children suffering, but I do know that He does have a plan for each of us.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last 9 months is that I am not in control of this life. I could not control how big my cyst was or where it was located or how it got there. I could not control what month my child would be born in so that it would be convenient for me. I could not control what happened inside my body after surgery so that there would be no blood loss and no loss of Norah.
I struggle with this concept of control....especially when it comes to having children. I specifically calculated in my mind with each child when they would be born. I knew I did not want another baby in whatever month because it would just be too much for ME to have kids born in the same months. This has been a huge wake up call for me!! God already knows what my family looks like and what it will look like in the future. It is not MY plan it is His.
So, I am done being in control or at least trying to be. I have no choice but to just let God do His thing. What have I got to lose? I feel as if the unthinkable has already happened to me, and He never left my side. I will trust that He will always have my back.
"Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)
1 comment:
Yes, so poignant and true, Elizabeth. Reading this hit home---this has been a central theme in our life over the past year+ as well- that it's God who is in control, not just on Sundays or in our prayers, but in designing our family.....start to finish. There are days where I'd like to take back the reigns, but I know now that when I 'let go and let God,' my anxieties/stress begin to subside. Reading your blog, I am thankful for God's presence and the Holy Spirit continuing to work in your family- and especially for your guardian angels who have guided and protected you. Keep witnessing to the power of faith :)
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