Changing my calendar to April was most difficult. I already know this month is going to be tough. I feel like I am constantly taking two steps forward and one step back. Just when I think I have this under control, something else gets in the way of healing. I know I have to give myself grace--it has only been 4 months, and I shouldn't expect to be fully okay. Then I flipped the calendar and realized once again, this is it. No baby girl will be born into our family this month like we had planned. It rips my heart out each time I say that aloud.
I have been feeling pretty well over the last couple of months physically, and then all of a sudden, I haven't been....another step back. So, please pray for my complete physical healing, that I would be restored back to complete health.
Easter was a lot of fun. We had a low key time with the kids. We missed the egg hunt at church because Maggie came down with strep throat. So, we had an impromptu hunt in our front yard.
After a long morning at church on Sunday (I sang and Greg worked in the projection booth), we stopped by the cemetery. Talk about taking a step back....I am assuming that a truck went through after the big snow we had last week...that truck absolutely destroyed Norah's grave. We don't have a marker yet, but the kids lovingly placed some pinwheels on her "dirt" and Maggie always puts flowers in the dirt each time we go. When we walked up on Sunday, all I saw was mud and a big rut....no more pinwheels, no more flowers. It about ripped my heart out and I started to feel that anxious, panicky feeling until Greg hugged me and reminded me it was just the grave, just the place where we can come to "see" Norah. How appropriate that we were reminded this on Easter...it is JUST a grave, and we are so grateful that Jesus broke out of His grave so we can be free!
My sweet Maggie went all over the cemetery collecting all the pieces of the pinwheels and found Norah's flowers many, many feet away and re-decorated her "dirt." Greg and I heard her talking to Norah..."I love you, Norah. I miss you so much. Happy Easter!"
It was a beautiful day! God has been sending me sunshine:) Hope each day in April at least brings sun and warmth.
2 comments:
Elizabeth, I've been keeping up with your blog and my heart breaks for you every time I read an entry. You're a much stronger person than I ever could be. Maggie and Elliott are lucky kids to have you. And I know Norah is always with you, always smiling at mommy.
Hope to see you guys soon! Miss you:)
Maureen
Elizabeth, keep playing that beautiful piano for your angel, Norah- she will always be watching over you...and listening as you sing and play to her :) Sending love & prayers your way- Laura
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