April 26 and Blessings

Time seems to be marching on as well as the rest of the world while I get closer and closer to my due date.  I had to count the weeks until I realized that it had been 15--I guess that is good that when Monday rolls around I have to go back and count!  I had a follow up with Dr. C on Friday.  I won't say it was easy setting foot in her office and sitting in a waiting room full of expecting moms and newborns in pumpkin seats screaming.  Thankfully, they know how hard that is for me and put me right in a room so I didn't have to sit and imagine why I really should have been there.

I just want to brag on Dr. C a little more.  She has been amazing.  She is the most caring and nurturing doctor.  She has spent sooooo much time with us over the last months and months leading up to our loss of Norah.  She had exam rooms full of other patients, phone calls to be returned, and stacks of reports on her desk, but she has always made time for us.  She sat on my hospital bed the morning after Norah died and cried with us.  (Oh yeah, and she SAVED my life!!!) She has texted me over and over to check in and make sure I am doing okay.

Friday was no different.  She talked with me for a long time.  She has good advice and knows the kind of emotional pain I am going through.  She did say she was happy to see me smile for the first time in many, many months.   She was encouraging and let me know that if we choose to go forward with trying for more children, she will do everything in her power to get me through it.   If that means I am in her office every.single.day to hear a heartbeat, she will get me through it.  If that means, I want to see a baby on an u/s every.single.week, she will get me through it.

I told Dr. C about how I can't sleep at night until I go through that whole day in my head.  She said that she does the same thing!  Nothing could have been done differently.  I know this has deeply impacted her and the way she cares for her patients.  I am just SO blessed that she is my doctor.  I know she did everything in her power to save my life, and for that I am forever grateful. 

Before I left, I asked her if she could give me a definitive date for when Norah would have been born.  April 26.  She was born and died on November 26. I keep telling myself that once I get past April 26 that things will seem easier, but I am afraid I am just setting myself up for disappointment.  Greg and I decided that we had to get out of town the week Norah would have been born.  We are taking the plunge and going all out and taking the kids to Disney World for "Norah's Trip."  Shhhh....my kids have NO idea!  I can't deal with Maggie asking me every day when we are going, so we are going to surprise them the week we leave.  We are really, really looking forward to it....it will be a great way to honor Norah, and one my kids will never forget!

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Aside from Dr. C, I have had so many little blessings in the last 15 weeks.  For the weeks following Norah's death, cards flooded our mailbox each day, some from people I have never met, some from people I haven't seen or heard from in many, many years.  In the last month, those cards have stopped coming.  I may have one trickle in once a week.

A couple of weeks ago, I was really, really struggling.  My kids had been sick, we hadn't left the house, it was snowing every day, the sun never seemed to shine.  I got a package in the mail and I was literally on the floor crying.  A friend from college (who I hadn't seen except through the wonders of social media in over 10 years) sent me this....


She made it and said when she finished she knew it was for me.  So, thank you, Lo, for such a small gesture that meant the world to me.  It definitely brought sunshine to my cloudy, overcast day!

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Back in January, Greg's cousin Mike who lives in Kansas City, stopped by our house on his way through town for work and brought me a basket of goodies.  I thought that the goodies were from him and his family (there was a nice gift card from them) but it turns out that the basket was from someone they had known through church that also suffered a loss of a sweet baby girl named Gracia in December.  Her situation is very different than mine, but even in her pain she ministered to me and my family all the way across the state.  You can read her blog God Chose Gracia.  Krystalle and I have communicated through FB, and I am so blessed by her and inspired by her steadfast love of the Lord!*******************************************************

I received a beautiful orchid from some teacher friends I used to work with before Christmas.  One of the kids knocked it off our console and the stem broke.  I was devastated because I know how delicate orchids are, and I was afraid it would never bloom again.  Well, look what happened in the last few days.....

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Each day more of these little "blessings" are revealed to me.  I don't have to look very far some days for those 10,000 Reasons for my heart to sing.  God shows His face to me in so many ways--to remind me that He hasn't given up on me, to remind me that He is bigger than death and suffering, to remind me that I am His daughter and am special in His eyes, to remind me that He and Norah are dancing on His dance floor in heaven--I can't wait to join them:)